February 23, 2012
Mosquitoes

are just vampire flies.

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February 22, 2012
I wish mirrors and pictures would get together

and agree on what I really look like.

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February 21, 2012
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered

for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

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February 20, 2012
On the internet you can be whoever you want

It’s strange that so many choose to be stupid.

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February 19, 2012
If crazy things keep happening to you

odds are it’s you.

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February 18, 2012
Wise people think all they say

fools say all they think.

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February 17, 2012
"If you fall, I’ll be there for you."

— The Floor

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February 16, 2012
A wise man

may look ridiculous in the company of fools.

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February 15, 2012
Someone needs to invent

an alarm clock that emits the smell of bacon.

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February 14, 2012
I love the sense of camaraderie

when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

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February 13, 2012
You never know when it will strike

but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

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February 12, 2012
If things around you dont change

change the thing you’re around.

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February 11, 2012
Why do we

cut down trees, make paper, then write “SAVE TREES” on them?

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February 10, 2012
If a tomato is a fruit

then isn’t ketchup technically a smoothie?

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February 9, 2012
How do those do not walk in the grass signs

actually get in the grass?

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